Don Quixote and the Damsel
Don Quixote
Normally a topic to steer clear of, there are moments on this blog where it’s been touched on. The issue is Cleese’s marriage to a young filly. At least it’s not another short man with a huge woman towering over him.
There are those men who have a certain, well, youthful attitude and that can suck in someone younger who perhaps doesn’t, er, discern other aspects of him which really have aged. Let me put it that way. Not just aged but shrivelled up a little too, not to put too fine a point on it.
I’ve heard the nay-sayers who think 30 years is outrageous as an age difference, I’ve heard people say it’s all up to the two people. The truth might be somewhere inbetween.
A man over 50 needs to think very carefully about her need for children. If she’s within child-bearing range [until about 39/40], then she’s most likely going to want that with the man of her life, if she has no children already and even if she does. A mate of mine was careful that his woman was late 30s and he told me many times with my 20s girl that it was a nice dream on both parts but he couldn’t see it.
He was right. I’d look into her eyes to discuss things at times and there was nothing in there enough on my wavelength to reach any meaningful conclusion. It wasn’t a matter of me not being interested in eye-candy and she was certainly far more than that – she was one bright cookie – but so many men out there saw her as a prize, a scalp, that it was an uphill battle the whole time, especially as I’m not the most exciting person on earth and some of these men were not only loaded but they had that Italian or French charm.
The 20s, despite all the well done things those in their 20s say and do, causing everyone to admire them, is still a largely shallow time, dealing, as Agatha Christie put it, in “extrinsics”. I’d go to a party and do something crazy like wear three watches or have the hat on at a strange angle and it was all, ‘Oh wow,” or I’d make some outrageous remark and it was all, “Oh wow,” again but in the end, it was about postulating, play-acting, not being real.
Now that’s fair enough. Take a baby and its depth of conversation and take an old curmudgeon, then place these women on that continuum somewhere and how could one expect from someone in her 20s anything but something in the 20s? That then gets onto something cringeworthy I saw and changed my attitude forever. She and I were with her gf who was waiting to be collected by her new man.
The most embarrassing thing was that when he arrived, he was about my age and yet was dressed in what he imagined was what yoof dressed in and his mannerisms were out of all synch with his obvious age. Yuk and my gf and I spoke of it in the car. Needless to say, those other two did not pursue the matter after that day.
The final killer for such things is that she moves at a different pace. 40 and 70 might work if the 70 is in good nick and 40 is certainly old enough to be past all that youthful shallowness, 30 and 60 is pushing it, 20 and 50 I’d say is out of the ballpark. And regarding her having children, a man over 50 is not going to do justice to that kid.
And the energy! Terry Jones is right. If we stay in nick at our age, we can get moving there at a fair old cantering pace for some time, maybe even for a few hours but then we need to sit down and rest. We may even need to take our tablets and change the diaper.
If we’re loaded with cash, then at least in the eyes of others, there is an element of a good catch to it but if we’re as poor as churchmice, then there’s not a lot really going for us.
Not really a good idea, people. Nice to have someone scrumptious to the eyes and touch going about with you but in the end, it’s not satisfying enough for either party.
Damsel
Filed under: Society & human issues
What do men want? Beauty. What do women want? Beauty is on the list, but it is last on the list.
My best friend in HS contacted me a number of years ago. The highlight was he and W3 were anticipating their first child. She was 36 and he was 50. At this age I can handle a couple hours with grandchildren, but an infant? No thanks!
I am not far off 70 and back to being ‘sprightly’ and while I can appreciate youth and beauty, I too find little to connect with in 20 year olds other than a fatherly interest (or grandfatherly). Even up to 45 I take more of a fatherly view.
Yet I skype with several quite bright under-30′s women and enjoy the conversations. I learn a great deal about the attitudes and pressures on the younger generation and they seem to appreciate an older chap listening and encouraging them.
There is no way I would form any sort of romantic relationship though. Even with women more my age I steer clear of ‘falling’ for the ‘natural’ inclinations.
PS.
Cleese is a damned fool. A funny chap in his Python days, I won’t argue about, but his private life seems to have been all repeats of the same gross errors of choice and ego. I blame it all on his University, m’self. He should have gone to Hull.
“He should have gone to Hull”
Now there’s a phrase I haven’t heard before.
While pondering three PhD place offers, one from Hull, one from Bristol and one from Cambridge, I was very tempted by the research topic on offer from Hull, but my lecturers reacted with astonishment and demanded, “Why the hell would you want to go to Hull when you have an offer from Cambridge?”
I went to Cambridge.
Perhaps I made a mistake? I have still never been to Hull. Should I go? Is it too late (at 57) to stop my “repeats of the same gross errors of choice and ego”?
What does going to Hull do for a chap?
@DQ
I think your choices have served you well
But it isn’t too late to go to Hull…
I went to Hull for my Masters. It was the only place that agreed to let me try to do a two-year MSc in the one year I had available. ( I could not afford two years as I had a family to support and a wife’s MA to pay for as well). I managed it by working like a one-armed paper-hanger and chosing a ‘Supervisor’ who I worked just as hard. The staff and the programme were excellent. (the wife took three years full time at Nottingham!)
Your one sounds like a very good reason to go to Hull.
I doubt if John Cleese regrets his choice though (of university, not of women). Without meeting Graham Chapman and playing in the Footlights Review he would not have had the career that allowed him to afford his divorce settlements, although… meeting a nice lass in Hull and settling down to life as an anonymous teacher… I wonder… But I think he chose the right university for him, all the same. And I think he’s had some fun with his expensive women. Certainly more than Don Quixote (though perhaps not Don QuiScottie).
I regret my choice of women too !!!
Why can’t they all just find nice, mature women who could offer them true companionship instead of going for “trophies”? I know, I know, companionship is not what they have in mind…..
Agreed[and Hi WC] as men age they really get nervy.
They say they are ‘visual creatures’ but why don’t they look in the mirror for a true visual.
They do look in the mirror Ubermouth, and many then think, “Thank goodness beautiful young women are such shallow creatures they will go with ugly old men so long as they have some money to spend, and even without much money to spend the young women can be sooooo gullible I should get away with the pretence long enough for my fun… again.”
Or so I have heard from other caddish oldmen. As a long term husband of my Sweet Dulcinia my expertise is 2nd hand. Dulcinia just shuts her eyes and imagines James Bond as I have told her to. The arrangement works very well.
Men are visual so looks are important. Women do not get hung up on looks[and even view bald men with affection as they do babies]because they look for security[which is not the same thing as money] and character.
It’s nice to hear there are men like you out there Don who knows the value of a good woman and does not ‘trade her in’ for a younger model like a car when she[ as does he,which I am convinced some men forget] shows some wear and tear.
One can deplore the behaviour of men who, as you say, Ubermouth, ‘Trade in’ their wife for a younger model. The millions yea even unto the billion men (the beasts !) that do this, of course seem to be encouraged by the equal number of ‘younger’ women who are ready and willing to put those older wives in the car-crusher and take their place. But no-one seems to mention them let alone deplore their hand on the crusher button.