nourishing obscurity

# Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.” – Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

# I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

# Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain

# The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible – George Burns

# Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge

# By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

# My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

# I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

# Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. – Alex Levine

# Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. – Spike Milligan

# I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope

# I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W. C. Fields

# We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers

# Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill

# Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty … But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. – Phyllis Diller

# And the cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out!

Filed under: Biography & Obituary, haiku, History & Culture, Humour