nourishing obscurity

Some say yes they’re both committing naughties, some say not, the laissez-fairers ask so what but it seems to your humble correspondent that it all comes down to definitions.  This blog is probably out of step with public opinion, especially that which is shocked by something like this and then supports sleeping around for themselves.

Scenario – the wife with the predatory eyes who expects to be seen as “nice” and “sweet’ [I find her disingenuous image-projection eminently resistible] is just a bit too touchy-touchy in that delightful modern way in which she demands the right to canoodle up to whomever she wants and don’t you dare accuse her of anything untoward.  He’s a serial affairist and “finds comfort” in someone else’s arms.

For ordinary mortals though, where should the line be drawn?  Just because the French seem to openly tolerate anything which goes is no more right than us pretending morality and indulging in that which we condemn behind the scenes.  Why do they bother pretending, the Sarkozies, that it’s a marriage anyway, if that’s what they’re doing [not that this has been established conclusively at all - after all, she, like Tiger Woods, denied everything].

Who cares?

What your humble blogger does care about is that dividing line.  What precisely is cheating?  I’d like to know because then I’d know if I were guilty or innocent in the past.  You’ve heard of serial monogamists – are we just as bad, except that we think we’re morally superior?

Where’s the line?

There’s an old story about this.  Man and woman in a cafe, in comes another man, she goes up to him and kisses him, he mumbles something to her and they go through to the next room.  Scenario 2 – man comes into the cafe, woman explains to her partner and asks time out, goes over to the incoming man, laughs, chats for three minutes, says goodbye and returns to her partner, completing the explanation.

Let’s get to the nitty-gritty – are you happy for your woman to have lots of male friends and if you’re broadminded enough for that, how much time may she spend with them all?  Do you give up 50% of your time together?  35%?  Do you follow a policy that as long as she distributes her time evenly among all of the other men, it’s quite OK but when a rival starts getting 20% of her time, you start to feel uneasy?

What?  How do you decide?  Do you, in fact, decide?  Maybe she does the deciding and your only decision is how much c–p you can accept.  Maybe you “trust” one another.  Good, good – trust each other not to do what?  Not to sleep with another of the opposite gender?

Where’s the line?

How about the same gender? I don’t know what she’d think about me sleeping with another man but I don’t have a psychological problem with her sleeping with a girlfriend. Younger girls are always walking about holding their best friend’s hand. I don’t particularly want to know the fine details but it’s not a major issue for me and I can say that because it happened with one gf. Sometimes the other girl would tell me about it later, if I happened to meet her. By not being furious, was I condoning and abetting that? My book addresses this in Part 3.

Maybe you take the point of view that you have no problems with your woman distributing her time to various men, spending large amounts of time in their company, as long as it doesn’t fall into your quality time.  Maybe you trust her not to have intercourse with another because that’s what men are generally concerned about.  Is it wrong for Bruni to spend a lot of time with that singer because he’s six years younger and she wants to do a bit of cougaring?  Is it wrong for Nico to seek comfort in another woman’s arms, if that’s as far as it goes?

is it a badge of distinction to have so many lovers?

Filed under: Society & human issues