The nature of gender
The Times had this below and Alison also posted on Levi Bellfield:
Only now can the true extent of Bellfield’s intense loathing and predatory attitude towards women be revealed. The judge in the case ruled that much of the evidence gleaned while Bellfield was a suspect was too prejudicial for the jury to hear.
It included how undercover detectives had watched him sexually insult underage teenage girls at a bus stop and how, while even on remand, he earned the reputation as a “caveman” because of his barbaric attitude towards the opposite sex.
Paul Jarvis, a fellow inmate, said that Bellfield had confessed to killing Amelie Delagrange and had boasted “you can do what you want” to women. “He is like a caveman. He treats women like dogs,” Jarvis told police.
Last evening this site had a spoof on feminism – most took it the right way, that when hatred of the other gender gets so bad, then society falls apart, depending on the numbers sharing those views.
Now, without getting specific, there are issues with women which really p–s men off and rightly so, especially when the government gets in on the act and gangs up against the man. The gripe of most men is that women flatly refuse to accept that there is any culpability on their part whatsoever.
Yet the other side of the coin is the nature of being a woman – how it is to be one. Not actually biologically being one, I can only try to empathize but in the end, all I can do is read what a woman writes and if she is not one of the types mentioned in last evening’s post, then I’m willing to listen to her.
One such person who has the ability to write is Alison, not unlike Ruthie‘s early writing. Alison:
If it’s not endless paedoesque pictures of pre-teen girls or silly skanks pretending to be pre teen girls in the myriad of grotesque porn sites that are flung around like regular film, it’s the articles about the myriad views of feminism, or by feminists, or by men and women meticulously deconstructing feminists with the full gusto of any enthusiast.
One I plead guilty to is:
About beauty and what mould we need to fit into in order to be deemed even standardly beautiful and which all men have to enjoy or they are in some kind of bizarre and holier than thou denial. Beauty is no longer in the eye of the beholder. It comes with a prefixed menu attached.
Look at this on Gish and this plea. I completely concur though with this:
The rest is shoved down my throat every time I flick open a magazine, with its female cariacatures largely determined by Gay Men and Devil Wears Prada types who pay them enormous heed. Playbot, with its shaven identikit “perfect” blondes, of the type hanging of Heffs arms, simply makes me want to give up (and throw up). I mean seriously give up (and throw up). Oh how I utterly utterly utterlydespise being a woman.
That made me stop and think. There is me walking into a discussion and by and large, considered on the strength of what I either say well or not. But a woman has to pass through a barrier first to be taken seriously by a man. Today I was in Morrisons and a woman employee was being ever so efficient, racing this way and that and the way she actually moved was cute and sweet. Now that, I think, is the type of thing Alison was referring to.
It’s certainly not hatred, quite the opposite but its not the type of thing which helps her. Were it turned onto me, I wouldn’t want people smiling at me because I’m cute, when I’m trying to get my point across. I want people to at least give the point a hearing. We’re talking patronizing here, aren’t we? I once gave a lesson where some Year 11 girls did a number on me. One kept looking between my legs instead of listening to the history of Britain [and I can assure you the history of Britian is more exciting] and one kept staring at my face with an intense stare, trying to embarrass me, then came up close afterwards to see if I’d succumb.
The terms on which I wanted to operate were not the terms on which they wanted to operate.
Let he who is without guilt cast the first stone.
All of us, male or female, something I’m not sure women fully understand, live with a fear of certain elements in society.
Walking back from the shop a couple of days ago, three young hoodies were congregated on the corner past which I had to go and the only way was to just do it but I was ready to attack if needed. Turns out they were just having a chat.
Now, how a young woman and worse, one who was pretty, would have fared is speculation. I’m sure it’s true that women get that threat far more often than men do, particularly a more mature looking man who looks like he could handle himself and is quietly arrogant. On the road, for example, a bit of “applied aggression”, just a smidgeon, mind, always helps. They tend to let you go through if you look slightly manic.
High heels and skirts don’t help either with women. No, I’m not saying women shouldn’t wear them but it does make being someone to be reckoned with a little harder to carry off. And why do women wear them anyway? Why don’t they wear suits, which are more practical in the City? The answer is to show off the legs. Why? I don’t show mine off and yet I’m not ashamed of them, especially with all the bike riding. I just don’t think my legs or breasts are relevant to what I’m doing. Biceps and triceps are though.
I don’t think I’d like to be a woman.
It’s crossed the mind a few times what it would be like for the end result of any sort of social interaction either being entered or entry of my body being on the mind of the other person. I’d feel quietly violated and undressed the whole time and maybe that’s how the weaker crims in jail feel – that fear of being violated, so they overcompensate.
Maybe that’s part of the thing I really do detest in a woman – the graceless hard drinking and swearing for seemingly little reason but as Alison would remind me – that’s just my taste. Others have other tastes. She’s right about the expectations on women though. There are such immense pressures on how women should conform to stereotypes and yet there doesn’t seem to be the same pressure on men, except in, say, Russia, where there is pressure to look and be physically strong.
Solution?
Haven’t a clue. Many women do look cute and gorgeous and desirable to me and what can I say about how I feel in that situation? It’s not her fault, it doesn’t help her but how can I help what I feel? I can still sit down and listen to her, I don’t need to keep looking at her because I can feel her aura flowing across without the line of vision. It’s strong at times.
There’s a teller in the bank about my age and she and I always have this banter which the young guy and I, when I get him, don’t have. He’s very pleasant and it’s a nice enough interaction but there’s always something more with one of the ladies – one of them today reminded me of something I’d said about a month ago. There’s definitely that element in there and it’s not entirely intellectual. And it’s pleasant, damn it. I enjoy women. So what?
What can women do? Burn bras, which Moggs said she needed anyway? Dress in sackcloth and knock a few teeth out or paint them black? I don’t know what they can do. I don’t know what I can do.
Coming back to Levi Bellfield, how can any of us understand a mind like that? That it puts a chill into women and enrages them is understandable, just as that Muslim group who wanted to march against our war dead enrage me. The word deportation keeps zipping through the mind. So yes, the resentment of men’s attitudes is understandable and yet to hell with becoming a SNAG or a Metro or whatever the latest is. I am what I am.
So what’s the solution?
Filed under: Society & human issues
when I’m trying to get my point across. I want people to at least give the point a hearing.
That is exactly how I feel. You can usually tell if you are being taken seriously though and there are ways to make that happen that don’t involve wearing a sackcloth.
I’m sure you know a few, Cherie.
Well there was an incident on my training course today which took me quite by surprise
I pleasant one I hasten to add!
Bellfield should be executed. End of. His guilt is individual. The only collective sin is our failure to hang him high.
One answer is to interract with humanity direct, not via the distortions of the media. For something to be shoved down one’s throat, one must first open one’s mouth. Case in point: don’t read those magazines. Don’t watch that television. You’d be surprised how much of that crap will pass you by. Take pride in not knowing who is in the Big Brother House or who won the X-factor. Cherish those that are close to you, for they are in reach and life is brief.
Many creatures have elaborate mating ceremonies; they grow plumage; the crash antlers in duel. Flowers are bright so the bees notice them. Women and men likewise desire and seek out each other. Some trade on their cleavage, others on the books they read, but thank God they or else we’d all die out.
I’m afraid you lost me — well not so much you, but the bits you were quoting. The cultural references were simply too obscure. But the confusion starts with sex and gender.
I hate it when forms ask for my gender, especially when the choices they offer are Male and Female. Those aren’t genders, they are sexes. The genders are masculine and feminine and depend on where you fit in grammar, or how socially constructed you are feeling at the moment. I suggest that they offer the choice of gender as Pink and Blue. Now there’s a social construction for you.
Steve, it was a reaction to Alison’s piece at her place on what it’s like to be a woman. Trooper – I’ll be quoting this today. Cherie – do tell all.
You ask “Why don’t they wear suits, which are more practical in the City? The answer is to show off the legs. Why? I don’t show mine off”
Then you answer your own question with
“There are such immense pressures on how women should conform to stereotypes and yet there doesn’t seem to be the same pressure on men” Really high heels are not all that comfortable to wear for long, but we know they make one look good.
Seriously, I don’t want to sound pathetic or dependant but lots of what women wear and how they make up is in the end some to do with pleasing guys generally. Even some of how women compete with or judge each other depends on how you judge how successfully you collectively do that.
You say “women do look cute and gorgeous and desirable” Well that’s how nature built most men I guess You don’t get a choice in thinking like that at some level. A healthy normally adjusted guy likes girls and vice versa.
Even if you are married and intend to stay that way there is that tiny hint of ‘if things had turned out different then maybe this guy…’ Maybe hardly there at all, but there still. Like a spice in a meal that gets lost in all the other flavours but still adds something to the dish.
Someone I know once compared the fun of back and fourth ‘banter’ to fishing when they don’t eat the fish, just put them back none the worse.
Trooper has a good point about Bellfield, he makes others too.
You mentioned the feel of threats and things. I sort of touched on that with a post I have coming up about Myleene Klass.
Bluntly, seriously, generally women are at a physical disadvantage compared with men. That’s why we need and depend on a guy being a ‘gentleman’.
Girls are weaker, guys are attracted to them and like and expect us to try to look desirable. When a girl does that some guys say she is asking for trouble. But it is a sliding set of goalposts and what is fine for some guys is slutty for others, or not attractive enough. For the thankfully rare some just being female is enough to get you in bad.
And the situation makes a difference too and one situation can become another when you don’t have the option of changing outfits.
Women know they can’t easily physically defend themselves, sometimes the only thing keeping a girl from being violated is some random guy’s honor, decency, self restraint.
If a woman is to physically defend herself, she has to hope it does not come to that, or that she can run fast (in high heels). Otherwise she is left with the choice of let it happen, or if she knows how then to strike hard and fast. That is if there is only one guy.
This has run on to almost post length. I will shut up now.
I think you covered most of it. As this is a written channel, you can’t see me but I’m staring at the screen pensively, thinking about it all. Then I’m going to fetch the coffee I left in the kitchen and have a chocolate crackle with it.
I agree with Trooper for the most part though I do wish people would think about how this man’s attitude was not condemned as reflective of men in general so why should women cop the brunt for how other women conduct themselves?
I’ve counted 13 articles in the last few weeks in the MSM about women – criticising them. What does what some women are doing out there in the real world have to do with who I am and how I conduct myself? Im still a woman at the end of the day so I get hauled into that group and held responsible for feminism, ladette culture, and so on.
For the record I don’t believe in identity politics but there does come a point when I think – please leave us alone. Stop criticising us wholesale. I’m certain that is something most men can relate to.
James, feel free. There’s a couple of typos in my comment, I hope you correct them if you quote it!
We wear high heels and all the rest of it ‘cos we feel GOOD in them!! It has nothing to do with you lot!
Alison,
never mind the MSM, it’s dying on its arse, it’s full of crap , it doesn’t enlighten, it only dumbs down and, I reiterate, you’ll feel much better if you ignore it, or at least treat it with the contempt it deserves.
I think the problem you allude to (I’m talking about media bullshit, not violent misogyny) is due in part to this: men criticise women, true, but women criticise women even more so. So a woman has to contend not only with men’s criticism, but women’s as well.
The average man doesn’t have a clue what cellulite is, and has learnt never to express an opinion on a woman’s weight – subjects that fill vast swathes of the press, and is aimed at women readers. Thus there is a rationale for voting with your purse and leaving it alone.
The battle of the sexes will go on, as will the fraternisation between these eternal adversaries.
Welshcakes,
so it’s not for a man’s sake, but the sake of vanity?
Welshcakes, But why do you feel good in them?
Because you look good/hot in them I guess.
But how is that “I look good” standard set?
I figure it has got to be as much by what guys like as by what girls think.