The Othello Syndrome 1
This post is largely sympathetic towards her. The second part is sympathetic towards the main earner.
So be it – this is a soft post. Look, that woman in the pic might well have enough dosh to escape to a fantasy home in Scandinavia and she might well walk away with enough money to set them up for life, let alone the massive payout she’ll end up with but she’s still hurting and no, the money does not ease that pain.
If the word cuckold can be broadened to just “partners”, then I know I’ve been cuckolded once and think I may have been in two other cases. One other case was a cuckolding waiting to happen and so we stopped it early. The other way about – I did a revenge twice and that was stupid, the second time was bizarre with three dates in a day, in no condition to do justice to any of them and with the second arriving at the cafe at the wrong time later and catching me with the third.
Anyone who’s been cheated on and has done the revenge thing would surely not do it to anyone else further down the track – it’s a horrible thing. She’s probably done right putting clear water between him and her and making him come over to her on bended knees or else not bothering at all, thereby telling her all she needed to know.
It really needs that space for some time.
It depends on so many things – how much she loved him, how keenly she feels the need for a father for the kids, how much she just misses the routine with him, the mornings, all those sweet nothings, the family thing.
She may have suspected for some time and that then comes down to the Othello Syndrome – how naturally jealous is she as a person? Did she drive him into those other women’s arms or did he drive her into bitterness because of his indifference and avoidance of issues. He seems quite emotionally immature.
She definitely should leave and it will be a bitter Christmas. In my case, I’d have just slipped away, no notes, no pack drill, nothing. The temptation to call that mobile number though, the temptation to answer when the other calls – my friend did that and in the end it was a no-go for either. Neither had had time to really adjust perceptions.
Bad karma but what else can be done? The question then is, “Should she take him back?”
Ah, that’s a tough one. That comes down to her strength and her priorities, not to mention the advice she’s being given by trusted people. He’s obviously the type who, pre-exposure, you’d have fallen for in a big way and it might be hard for her not to let him back in when he comes to her the chastened little boy – he has that look about him and especially if the kids are all over him.
She certainly has much thinking to do – not about the early stages but about the inevitable reunion, when everything is so highly sensitized and one false move can be the end. In WN2′s case and mine, it was in a McDonald’s and she hit me for money. In WN1′s case, we had the same accountant and so it was not so traumatic when we all met up for a meal.
Scars? Unless you’re made of stone, methinks we never lose them but we do keep making the same mistake again. Sigh. Hope it all works out somehow. Christmas is a time some people do a lot of praying so maybe that will help.
Filed under: Society & human issues
What should she do? No idea!
I can imagine the pain from his cheating could be much worse than the pain had he died with her unknowing of his other lives. “He chose others over me! Why? What did I do wrong?” Certainly there will be a selection of choice swearing words but the pain ……….
Perhaps he married her just as a “front” and the other women constituted the life he wanted all along. In which case, his offence was not the promiscuity, it was the marriage. Perhaps that’s what she’s thinking.