nourishing obscurity

The kerfuffle over Carrie Prejean [great name] had me thinking in an entirely different direction – why she’s so incapable of dealing with these people who are kicking her around.

Upfront, I’m onside with her in this although she’s not my type at all, she’s making basic errors of logic and she’s much of what the liberals are calling her.  She’s also going to capitalize on it.  There are very good reasons why she’s like that and you have to go back to her childhood and the whole way our culture views a woman.

My credentials for writing this are a long history of observing pretty women up close [mentally] and there are some common features.  During infancy, any kid is cute and tries it on – parents and grandparents let her get away with murder.  She gets her first shock when she leaves infancy and goes to school and suddenly she can’t have it all her own way.  Not only that but she’s not the only centre of attention any more.

She learns to play that system.

It’s about this point where little boys lose their cuteness and are expected to head out and fend for themselves, at least in many fathers’ minds but the girl used to be kept much closer to the apron strings.  Rather than lose her cuteness and therefore the ability to influence, it actually increases as she blossoms and then she finds it all too easy to get her way and as every human being wants to get his way, then this is the whole goal – to smooth the path for whatever she wants.

In short, she is spoilt.

As she becomes accustomed to this, she becomes less tolerant of any attempt to circumvent or block her and she has a repertoire of reactions, from pouting to the sultry voice.  At the same time, she increasingly finds herself in her own internalized world where her dreams and fantasies are more realizable because there are people falling over themselves to facilitate them and everything’s so lovely.

Hence Carla Bruni’s boast [at a much later age, of course] that she can suck men in and spit them out at will.  She does the sultry voice bit to perfection.  The fact that she’s not all that beautiful seems neither here nor there – many think she is, mistaking style for beauty.

At this stage, the girl’s coming up to the useful age and the path diverges.

1.  One type sticks close to home and develops into the secret flower which blooms later and sweeps all before her;

2.  One type goes out and excels at sport or dancing or whatever and becomes more normal and rational and less tolerant of people judging her solely on her looks;

3.  One type gets abused.

In fact, I don’t know the stats but I’ve known three women quite well who were abused as kids – by a father, by an uncle and by a friend of the family [man approaching fifty].  I’d surmise that any beautiful girl has had that path – where the attention she so needs and takes for granted can cross the line into something else again.

The mechanisms she’s developed for fending off the boys is no use with a certain type of male and if it’s a parent, then it is highly complicated because the girl has a natural predisposition towards her papa which, if he was a good man, would develop into a fierce loyalty.

Which brings us to:

4.  One type who sees the mother abused over and over.  I’m not going to get into the question of the woman’s provocation and there are so many men I know who are aggressive and I wonder why they are – why do they have to get angry about, say, buying something in a shop?

In some ways, this is worse than if she herself was abused because she really hates men but needs them at the same time.  All women resent men to an extent but this brings it right out.  Or else she is raped at a party or whatever – it really messes up her mind and I’ve known a few girls this way – they’re beyond reason and for good reason.

Baggage

So this is the real purpose of this post – to say that a beautiful woman’s path is by no means smooth because:

1.  She lives in an inwardly focused bubble which everyone around her is happy to keep her in and inside that head of hers, she has the craziest ideas of what’s fine and appropriate, that she can lie outrageously and people will either take her part [for no real reason other than her beauty] or else they’ll forgive her if they’re forced to acknowledge her fault [cops pulling her up for a speeding ticket, for example].

The only time I saw this not work was when a ladyfriend  of mine said, when I was pulled over for speeding, “Let me take care of this,” she got out, strolled over to the cops and laid on the charm with a trowel.  She was told to go back to the car and that they wanted me to come over there.  Obviously, she wasn’t those particular cops’ type.

I kept back the smile.

What annoys me is that the whole society is in on this attitude towards a beautiful woman – is it any wonder she turns out as she does and then they turn around and call her, as Wiki said:

“The childish behavior, her negative attitude, the sarcasm and condescending tone, the disrespect and continual lying she is demonstrating now is only a fraction of what we endured during her reign and after.”

She lives in a tween little cocoon where she can emote freely and no one bats and eyelid.  I had one girlfriend who’d either kick me or lock herself in the bathroom.  No concept that there’s be people who would not accept that as a reasonable reaction.  I feel so sorry for her because in interfacing with the real world, as Carrie Prejean has had to do, it is a huge shock.

2.  The abuse.  I’ve had long, long discussions over this with a few women who were in that position and the abuse had varied.  In one case, it was just her own beat-up, the delusion she’d put in her own head to take care of anyone who’d opposed her.  But in most cases, it had been genuine, as far as I could tell.
That must be awful.  To think that the only thing that man who comes on all charm wants is to get inside your body – no genuine interest in your mind, only a lukewarm interest in your achievements unless he’s in love with you and a man being in love with you is a tool for your protection and for the furtherance of your goals anyway, the incapacity to enjoy an equal, mutually beneficial relationship and being divorced from reality.

I’d go so far to say that beautiful women sometimes have it tough.  A celebrity has it tough but she wanted that.  This woman got it anyway – oscillating between an attitude of, “I never asked for anyone to come on to me,” and trying her best to look the best she can, which gets people coming on to her.

Some call that double standards and fickleness but I call it an unfortunate side-effect of her condition.  I’d hate to be so goodlooking that it skews my whole mind.

So many beautiful women I’ve known were shallow.  I don’t mean bimboish because they often have sharp brains and held degrees to match but certainly prone to the easy concept, the standard take on politics, society, all the major issues of the day.

3.  The beauty itself.  Look, it’s not her fault, it’s not the fault of us men but there are some girls and even if they wore sackcloth and looked unkempt, you’d still want to bonk them.  There’s just something in the jawline or manner or curves and there is no defence.

I had a wife who told me about how she’d be at the kitchen sink and because she was in a short robe, she couldn’t keep her first husband out of her.  I knew just how he felt because whenever I saw her, I just had to as well and it was a big problem.  It was a problem for me too because every man she met wanted her that way.

She wasn’t particularly classically beautiful but she had that something that got you on and no one likes to have less self-control than he’d like.  My most recent [the last one I'll ever have, most like] had those pouting, bow lips and they screamed out.  What’s a man to do?

So, a beautiful woman’s life is not a piece of cake but I wonder how many accept that.

Filed under: Society & human issues